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Ah, Linux,
The April fool's joke of the computing world and an embarrassment to the open-source philosophy. The brat that hasn't learned to shut the fuck up and do something more productive to its cause. The hacking tool used by script kiddies who think they are "l337 haxors" after typing 10 lines of code in Pearl. A prime example of how group-think leads to less productive activity. Communism in electronic form. Now Im sure we all have by now heard the same old cliches about old Tux being the best thing since sliced bread, but eventually, they just beg to be examined a little more, as follows.

1) Linux is free.

And I'm the king of Peru. If it really is free, then the Linux sites would have no pop-up windows and ads asking for donations. Getting Luddix may be "free", but having to end up buying up to $200 worth of new hardware just to run a computer at 1/20 the speed of Windows 95 throws the whole concept of free out the door.

Also the "Free as in Beer" line is pure bullshit, because the can of Budweiser I got at the store cost me $1.39, and it costs money to get whole-grain wheat flour to create home-brewed alcohol.
And no, dumb-ass, speech is not free either. If you don't believe me, try going up to a cop and string some four-letter words in his face, nd see if he will respect your freedom of speech.

2) Linux is fast and does not contain bloat-ware like Micro$hit Windoze.

If you think Microsoft Windows is bloat-ware, you haven't tried Red Hat, ELX, or SusE, because THOSE define bloat-ware. Up to 7 CDs full of useless junk right there. And Luddix is fast alright, compared to the time it takes for Neptune to circle around the Sun. And you won't believe how much RAM a typical Lunix distribution gobbles up. Better make sure you have an extra 512MB stick of RAM handy. (Note: If you want to see a fast operating system that's not Linux, check out BeOS at www.bebits.com. Now THAT, my friend, is fast!)

3) Linux gives you choices.

That would have been fine if there were 4 distributions. Hell, that would have been okay if there were 9 distros. But 300 distros is fucking insane, especially if 293 of them suck shit through a straw.

4) with Linux, you have a wide variety of GUIs and applications.

Yeah, too bad they are all poorly-designed, and look like ripoffs of anything that Microsoft or Apple makes. Not to mention, having to type 30 fucking lines of code just to get the program to open is pure joy.

5) 2005/2004/2000/1999/1998: The Year of the Linux Desktop.

The year came and went, Windows and MacOS logos are still flashing on the screens of those who are not blessed with the faggotry of geekism. Where oh where did Tux go? The kernel that every computer "expert" hyped would be the killer of Micro$oft? Surely Walmart can't hold up the weight of the Linux community with its $300 Linspire boxes (which end up being a dirt cheap way of installing Windows on a new computer) Looks like the Lin-zealots lied to us again, which is typical of those bastards. And it's also hard to believe that it's been over 10 years, and the fucking penguins STILL haven't created anything that even Apple would give a shit about.

6) Linux is more secure and easier to improve than Windoze.

Until the terrorists, cultists, and malicious coders get their hands on Lunix. If they haven't already. After all, it is open-source, and by definition, open-source means that everybody gets to contribute their input into the kernel.

7) The Linux community is willing to lend a helping hand to those not familiar to the kernel.

If a helping hand means,
(a) telling grandma to RTFM and
(b) posting 9 spelling-error-filled pages of insults, death-threats, and jokes about gay sex/male body parts/fairy-tale creatures on a Linux message board because she politely asked how to get her sound card to work,
then surely the Luddix community is the most generous group in the world.

8) Linux is more stable than Windoze

I like that, plus the fact that you can't run anything without 200 dependencies (see dependency) or 30 lines of code.

Now that we're done breaking down the crap, here are some things the Lunatix community has no choice but to fix, if they ever want old Tux to be on more than 0.0003% of all desktops.

1) GET RID OF X! It is a waste of resources and useless as a desktop GUI. At least the guy who created Damn Small Linux had the right idea, and as a result, created a distro that actually isn't bloat-ware.

2) Get rid of all those useless fucking window managers and themes. They add more bloat to the system.

3) Get rid of the snobs, l337 haxors, and religious extremists in your midst. If you ever wonder why nobody is using Linux, it's because these bastards are the loudest and rudest of the bunch.

4) NO MORE TARBALLS OR COMPILES! The software should already be compiled BEFORE it is released, because that's just pure fucking laziness and the programmer deserves to be hanged.

5) Rewrite the entire Lin-architecture so that programs don't need 200 fucking dependencies just to work.

6) Rewrite the entire Lin-architecture so that it doesn't require a 5-hour compile whenever an updated of a text-editor/MP3 player/Tux-Racer game is installed.

7) GET THE FUCKING HARDWARE TO WORK! If the "Winmodem" works on a FreeBSD box and a BeOS box with generic drivers, then there is no excuse for the modem to not work under Linux.

8) Standardization is good, especially when it comes to file packaging and installation.

9) Get rid of all the useless fucking distros that are clogging up the Internet. Nobody is going to use 290 of them anyway, so you might as well just band together and focus your talents and resources (and MY donation money) on the 10 most used distros.

10) Make the emulation PERFECT! If WINE promises to emulate Windows programs, then it damn well better emulate every piece of Windows-compatible software sold at Office Depot or Electronics Boutique. Failure to do so is unacceptable and will result in the purchase of a real OS (Windows XP).
If Average User Joe has to spend 5 hours downloading a 3-CD Linux distro from your crappy servers or end up shelling out $50 to $180 at Best Buy for the same distro because (a) the servers are not available or (b) don't exist, then Joe expects that distro to (1) install flawlessly, (2) work right out of the box, and (3) support all his hardware. If said Linux distro violates any of the three expectations, then don't expect Linux to succeed.
door Tirk Dogg 28 februari 2005
156 230
If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.


Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
Sorry, this is the best analogy on the subject of linux, has been around for a long time, and is anonymous.

BTW, linux is the kernel, GNU/GPL software make up the rest of the OS and apps. GNU/Linux is the way lawyers will say it in court.
door danw 22 december 2003
4936 804
It's just an operating system folks, not a religion.
Sure it's an incredibly versatile and stable operating system, but it's not the holy grail.
door Tiado 22 juni 2004
2633 793
An excellent operating system that is more stable than Microsoft's Windows. Good for server use, but not practical for the average (aka home or gamer) user since it isn't compatible with most programs.

Notably used by either people who do know what they're doing, or immature idiots who think they're "l337" because they spited "M$" out of money (and seemingly wrote 90% of the definitions on this word as well).
Linux is a good OS, but it's most vocal users are hypociritcal idiots.
door NeoChaos 16 november 2003
2098 928
An overblown "Wal-Mart" OS written by programmers who lack the balls and social skills to walk their own dog. How many of these fucks actually own a house, anyway? Suppossed to be an alternative to Windows but is way overrated, has shit for features and a lousy, cryptic GUI. This is how fucked up Linux is: Novell bought SuSE. That's the kiss-of-death. Ask them what their installed base is? BTW...hackers prefer Windows only because it's more prevalent. If Linux's installed base hits decent numbers in maybe the next 20 years, that turdball OS will be picked apart like a dead dog in the desert.
The calculator froze up again. Oh, that runs on a Linux kernel.

He just started developing Linux apps and is already asking me to borrow money.

I took the IP chains off my laptop and now I can't access my dick.

John from Novell emailed again. Just redirect his emails to the Salvation Army, thanks.
door s6 28 juni 2005
5425 4405
Pronunciation: LIH-nucks or LIE-nucks

1. A reimplementation of the UNIX operating system kernel, written by Linus Torvalds, and distributed for free on the Internet. Linux has acheived remarkable compatibility with UNIX, from the point of view of a programmer compiling his software from the source code. Software originally written for UNIX can usually be compiled to run on Linux with no modifications. Linux binaries cannot run on UNIX systems that don't have Linux compatibility on purpose. Linux can be made to run binaries from SCO OpenServer via the Intel Binary Compatibility Standard (IBCS).

Linux is more compatible with UNIX systems that descend from UNIX System V than it is with BSD systems such as FreeBSD.

2. The Linux kernel, bundled with application programs like those that come with UNIX. When these applications are products of the Free Software Foundation, the combination is called GNU/Linux (the G in GNU is pronounced).

When the kernel is combined with applications, the result is called a Linux "distribution." Some distributions are commercially sold and have their own brand names.

3. A registered trademark of Linus Torvalds.

4. A religion practiced largely on the USENET newsgroup comp.os.linux.advocacy. The primary ritual of Linux is arguing endlessly with one of two denominations of Linux practitioners: Linux advocates, and Windows advocates, over whether or not Linux is better than Microsoft Windows. The arguments that make up the ritual can be divided into five categories: Linux sucks, Linux rules, Windows sucks, Microsoft sucks and personal insults.

Linux practitioners are even more fervent than computer users who engage in other so-called "religious wars" such as the classic EMACS vs. Vi.

3. A registered trademark of Linus Torvalds.

Linux (the operating system) looks and feels very much like Sun Solaris, despite the fact that it is not based on the original UNIX kernel, and even its shell commands are complete rewrites of the originals.

GNOME, the graphical interface of Solaris, was written for Linux first.

Since its inception in 1991, Linux has become the most popular UNIX-like operating system, beating Solaris, and even UNIX-based Mac OS X.
1. ~ 2.6 does better under heavy load than ~ 2.4 did.

2. We have a web server running Red Hat ~.
door Shaka Zulu 3 september 2004
966 145
A computer operating system known primarily for its stability and its involvement with the Free Software and Open Source Software movements.
When I ran Windows I had to reboot every day, but since I've switched to Linux I now count my time between reboots in months.
door Anonymous Coward 21 juni 2003
927 269

Linux is a KERNEL, NOT AN OPERATING SYSTEM started by Linus Torvalds in 1991 at University of Helsinki in Finland. Linux was at first just a hobby for Linus. Linux is free software.

It just so happened that just when Linux was getting usable, GNU had everything it needed except a kernel. Thus, people started using Linux with GNU to make a completely free UNIX-like operating system called GNU/Linux.

Today Linux and GNU/Linux have come a long way from the early 1990's, although they're still mostly used by geeks.
Linux is at version 2.6.xx as of mid 2005.
door a thing 11 juni 2005
828 281