The abdominal burns you get from bacon grease because you frequently cook breakfast topless. It's the price you pay for being such a fucking man.
Some guys do it voluntarily like a cigarette burn. Others are just too fucking lazy to put on a shirt in the morning before cooking bacon.
Friend: Yo, what happened to your chest man?
You: You know how it is. I woke up and made grub and got some pork burns. #YOLO